Finally, we were homeward bound to the hills beyond Sonora Pass. I'm not much of a speed demon, but we couldn't get the Central Valley behind us soon enough. I was lead-footing it across the Coalinga-Fresno dustbowl with the itunes blasting Chrome, Smoke & BBQ when Deputy Haller lit me up with the disco lights. He told me I was going 73 in a 55mph zone, said to expect a "courtesy" notice telling me how much the fine would be.
A couple weeks ago I got the notice from Fresno Superior Court informing me that they're gonna need about tree-fitty. $354, to be exact.
Now they're probably going to think there's more where that came from. Naturally. An additional $78 was in order for administrative fees to the Fresno County flesh-eaters, presumably so a glassy-eyed clerical lifer with a Cadillac pension plan could click the cursor over a check box that said I successfully completed online traffic school.
I just got this email today:
Dear Lynette,
Your traffic school Certificate of Completion has been processed by the court and your case has been dismissed.
California Traffic Safety Institute (CTSI), on behalf of the Fresno County, California Superior Court
Selma Division
2424 McCall, Selma CA 93662
That's fantastic! I'm a much safer driver now that I've forked over an additional $22 for a diploma from a cheesy, unmanned website classroom in order to take a multiple choice test that anyone who can fog a mirror could pass.
Furthermore, now that I've been bludgeoned with a fine and fees of $420, I'm probably less likely to speed, right?
Well, no.
See, once I start spending that kind of cash, an additional $270 for a really nice Escort Solo S2 doesn't seem overpriced, at all. In fact, it's a bargain if it can help me avoid even one of these traffic shakedowns. I don't know if it would have helped in this case, but this little brush with the highwayman reminded me that a good radar detector is a worthwhile hack.
Drive safely.
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